money. [here it goes]

i have been trying to write blog entries about haiti, about going to haiti. i had hoped to be able to really communicate what i'm thinking, to communicate my heart about all of this stuff. but it is really difficult. every time i start to write about a specific subject, i realize that i haven't ever really thought it out so well and that it is very difficult to gather all of my random thoughts and organize them in a way that makes any sense at all.

so now i am trying to write about money, because i have to face the reality that i need money. but before i just went ahead and asked folks for money, i really wanted to share some of my thoughts about money and about the giving (sharing) of money. but this one has been particularly hard.

i think that part of the difficulty is my own personal feelings about money. i have developed a pretty strong disliking for it, and have made quite a few solid efforts to try and detach myself from it. and i have a very real hope that one day i will not need money, that i will learn how to live without it. that's a bold statement, i know, but i feel strongly about it. i am cautious, however, about sharing too much of my own views of and convictions about money. i know that it is a dangerous subject, and honestly, it seems kindof arrogant to say some of the things that i have.  but the thing is, i think that it is all pretty relevant here and now, to my life, and to yours, and to our life together as the church - to this big and beautiful story of the Kingdom of Heaven. so i have been trying to decide what is safe to say, and how i might possibly say that without ensuring that a lot of folks never read anything i post again.

but i am not just some radical. i am not a communist or even a socialist. i am not just a young, idealistic rebel. i have begged God to grant me a sober mind, and wisdom. i think that i am reasonably thoughtful, and i have tried to be observant. i have also tried my best to be educated, and to thoroughly search scripture. and i think that there are some pretty obvious problems regarding money within the church and among christians (though i don't think that separation should be made - i suppose that i mean among christians and within our churches). nobody wants to hear it, and i don't really want to say it, but when you look at christianity as a whole, when you look around at our churches, at our buildings, at our budgets, at our bookstores, when you look at our houses and our cars and our wardrobes and what we spend our money on, it really seems like we might have missed the whole part about not being conformed to the pattern of this world. when it comes to money, we pretty much follow that pattern to a T.

so i obviously have plenty of thoughts about how modern christianity seems to be dealing with money. i think that we like it a lot. but i know that i am not a judge, and i am really not trying to be. and i really do apologize if i have been offensive in any way. it's just that i can't get over some of these things, and i'm trying to be honest, and i am trying not to just come out of nowhere and ask you to give me money without explaining the way i see this whole thing. so please forgive me, and please bear with me. i am learning. i am growing. i am still a fool.

here is the point. there is a passage in 2 corinthians where paul is telling the corinthians about the church in macedonia. apparently the macedonians were poor, extremely poor, and going through a severe trial (presumably a financial one). but paul tells the corinthians how the macedonians insisted on giving generously, because they wanted the privilege of sharing in the service to the saints. so of their own accord, they gave as much as they could. even giving beyond their ability. now i am not telling you this to convince you to give me a lot of money. i am not even trying to convince you to give away a lot of money in general (though it probably wouldn't be a bad idea). here is what i find so beautiful: "brothers, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the macedonian churches... their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity... see that you also excel in this grace of giving." at the end, paul compares this act of the macedonians to the grace of Christ: "that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He become poor, so that you through His poverty might become rich." [2 corinthians 8]

i am not a Bible-scholar, and i am not going to try to explain this passage.  but i think that this passage touches on something quite profound, something that i have been thinking about a lot, especially since deciding to go to haiti and starting to think about the whole support-raising process.  before i get carried away, i'll just say this:  i don't want you to just give me some money.  i think that it has become far to easy for christians to give away money.  we have industries devoted to tithing.  all you really have to do is pick one and write a check.  but i don't think that is the way it is supposed to work.  and i don't want to just be another line item in your financial statements.  i want you to share in the grace of giving.  i want you to know me.  i want you to know my heart.  i want you to know what i am doing.  i want you to know where all of the money that i am getting (God-willing) is going.  i want you to be connected.  i want us to be connected.  because we are connected.  and there is another thing.  i think that we should all be pretty careful about where our money goes.  i am not sure that i think that blindly throwing money in different directions, whatever the label may be, counts in God's economy.  God certainly wants us to give up our money.  He wants us to trust Him to provide.  but He also wants us to be good stewards of what He has given us.  we are to give it away, but we are to give it away well.  we are to build His Kingdom, and i think we ought to be sure that we are doing that.  

i apologize for rambling and ranting.  i have good intentions, i promise.  

i do want your money, because i really want to go to haiti.  and i do need your prayers, because i am terrified.  and i would love it if you would ask questions, though i might not have many answers.  and i really love you, even if i don't know you very well or at all, and i hope that i haven't said anything that didn't come from a love of God and a desire for truth.  

there is a part of a prayer that i really like that says, "grant that whatever good things i have, i may share generously with those who have not, and that whatever good things i do not have, i may request humbly from those who do."  and i am learning to make my requests humbly.

now we haven't exactly figured out our financial situation.  we are thinking that we will need around $500/month for living expenses.  also, we will be in haiti on a visitor's visa and will have to leave the country every 90 days for 3 days.  so for a year, i would like to be able to allot $1,000 to travel expenses.  beyond that, basically the more money we are able to raise, the more we will be able to do in haiti.  the needs there are endless.  i hope to be able to share more specifics soon.  until then, we could chat.  

so . . . if you would like to, you can write me a check.  

you can make it out to: LESPWA Worldwide, with zack kee in the memo line (it'll be tax-deductible).  you can mail it to:  zack kee - 4542 juniper drive - palm harbor, fl 34685

(jay is working on some stuff, like online donating and monthly automatic withdrawal.  this is all new to LESPWA, so there is not really any structure yet.  hopefully that can change to make things easier.  for now, we're doing things the old-fashioned way.)

thank you, again.  i truly am humbled.  

may His mercy be upon us.  and may He forgive whatever foolish things i say.  

peace to you!