for the love of God.

[ i did not engage in a religious life but for the love of God, and i have endeavored to act only for Him; whatever becomes of me, whether i be lost or saved, i will always continue to act purely for the love of God.  i shall have this good at least, that till death i shall have done all that is in me to love Him. ]       

                                                         - brother lawrence of the resurrection

a support letter.

dear friends,

i am excited to write to you.  really, i wish that my confusion and stubbornness had not kept me from doing so sooner.  nonetheless, i write with joy and eager anticipation, for i am seeing the Gospel worked out daily in my life, in my heart, in every part of my being.  sometime ago i started to realize that as we use the term "born-again" it seems necessary that we must first die.  surely we must die, and be born of Christ.  there has been much dying in me lately, though not without a struggle from this stubborn old flesh, but joyfully much rebirth as well. 

as you may already know, i am moving to haiti.  i leave september 9.  i’m not sure exactly what being ready to go looks like, but i feel nowhere close.  i started a blog where you can read some about my journey towards haiti (http://zacharykee.blogspot.com).  i started it because i was trying to write a support letter and couldn't figure out how to say what I was feeling.  so i started writing the blog in hopes that i might be able to better communicate my heart despite my tremendous uncertainty about how to explain what I feel in my heart and how all of this is going to unfold.  

but just to summarize:  i am going to haiti with an organization called LESPWA, which means “hope” in creole.  i went on a short term trip to Haiti in may with my good friend jay, who started LESPWA.  at the time, he and his wife were considering moving there i began to feel a desire to go with them.  i told jay that i would pray with them about going with them if they went.   well, in early july, we agreed that we believed God is leading us together to go there.  so we will be going to live and work at the Presbyterian Mission of Haiti, located about 30 miles north of Port au Prince.  

as we go, our primary purpose is to help open an orphanage that has already been built at the mission where we will live.  we expect to spend much of our first year learning the language and getting acclimated to the culture.  we believe that it is important to get to know the place and the people we will be living with, to become neighbors, in order that we might have a solid understanding of the ways in which we can help there, but more importantly, to build a foundation for living out and testifying to the Gospel.  pastor charles, the Haitian pastor who started the mission and has started several churches in that part of Haiti, has a wonderful ministry there, and we eagerly desire to be a part of it.  they need support in caring for the children, maintaining the facilities, growing food, teaching the children life skills, and expanding the ministries there and elsewhere in Haiti.

in my own small way, I feel paul’s words:  "i eagerly expect and hope that i will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage, so that now as always, Christ may be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  for me to live is Christ, to die is gain."  [philippians 1:20-21]

when it comes to the Gospel, i sort of feel like it is best shared through actions, and then explained through words.  if I know my own heart, i cannot emphasize enough, for me, to live is Christ.  for me, to live is to live the Gospel.  if i am to speak, it is to speak the Gospel.  and i believe that if i am to live in haiti, and if i am to seek to live out the Gospel of Jesus Christ who is my only Hope, who is my only Joy, who is my only Peace, i will have the opportunity to give the reason for the Hope that i have.  the Gospel will be shared.  

lastly, i need your support.  i cannot tell you how much i need prayer.  i feel completely incapable.  i am a fool. but by God's grace i am who i am, and by God's grace i am going to haiti to testify to that grace.  so please, pray for me.  pray that i will follow Christ with every part of my being.  pray that i will love Him, and that i will accept His love.  pray also that i will accept the love of those who love me.  pray that i will be humble.  pray the kinds of things that paul prays.  

also, i need your financial support.  i have really struggled with this, but God has recently shown me that it is okay to ask, that i must ask.  and so i ask.  i am supposed to leave in two weeks, and i do not have the money to go.  i hope that God provides $500 per month, $6,000 for the first year.  right now, i can't tell you exactly what all of that is for.  but i ask you to pray, to ask God to lead you, and to give as much as you are able.  i ask you to trust Him for me and pray that i follow Him.  and i promise to use this money for His Kingdom.  other than travel expenses, we hope to use the money God provides directly for the work we will be doing there. i also promise to disclose as much financial information as possible.  that's kind of an awkward thing to say, i know, but that's the best i have right now.  

so please spend a few minutes praying for me.  and then spend a few minutes seeking God and asking Him if He would have you support me.  and then if you feel Him leading, send me some money, because i am starting soon.  

i want you to know that i love you, that even as i write this and think of your love and your partnership, my soul rises.  i am filled with joy at the thought of our unity in Christ, that we are one through Him, and that we will share eternally in His blessings.  

i would really love to talk to you.  i don't know if my approach to all of this is the best, but if you would like to talk, please call me or email me or come knock on my door.  it would truly be a delight.  

thank you,
grace and peace through Christ, our Hope, and our Joy!

zack

727-543-6290
philonetwenty@gmail.com

your tax deductible check can be made payable to:  LESPWA Worldwide

and mailed to:   zack kee
                             4542 juniper drive
                            palm harbor, fl 34685

also, we are still trying to figure out how to handle monthly support.  for now, you can either mail a check each month, or you can go online to the LESPWA website and donate there.  you can make a one-time donation online as well.  here is a link for online donations:  http://www.lespwaworldwide.com/lespwaworldwide/pickstaff.aspx

you will receive a receipt for all financial support i receive.


thanks again.

liturgy.

Blessed be God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

And blessed be his kingdom, now and for ever.
                Amen

Alleluia. Christ is risen.
The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia.

Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, 
and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our 
hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may 
perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name; 
through Christ our Lord. Amen.

[Glory to God in the highest,
    and peace to his people on earth.

Lord God, heavenly King,
almighty God and Father,
    we worship you, we give you thanks,
    we praise you for your glory.

Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father, 
Lord God, Lamb of God,
you take away the sin of the world:
    have mercy on us;
you are seated at the right hand of the Father: 
    receive our prayer.

For you alone are the Holy One,
you alone are the Lord,
you alone are the Most High,
    Jesus Christ,
    with the Holy Spirit,
    in the glory of God the Father. Amen.]

Lord, have mercy.

Christ, have mercy.

Lord, have mercy.

The Lord be with you.
And also with you.
Let us pray.

Grant, we beseech thee, merciful God, that thy Church, 
being gathered together in unity by thy Holy Spirit, may 
manifest thy power among all peoples, to the glory of thy 
Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and 
reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirt, one God, world
without end. Amen.

[We believe in one God,
    the Father, the Almighty,
    maker of heaven and earth,
    of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
    the only Son of God,
    eternally begotten of the Father,
    God from God, Light from Light,
    true God from true God,
    begotten, not made,
    of one Being with the Father.
    Through him all things were made.
    For us and for our salvation
        he came down from heaven:
    by the power of the Holy Spirit
        he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
        and was made man.
    For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
        he suffered death and was buried.
        On the third day he rose again
            in accordance with the Scriptures;
        he ascended into heaven
            and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

    He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
        and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, 
    who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
    With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.
    He has spoken through the Prophets.
    We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
    We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
    We look for the resurrection of the dead,
        and the life of the world to come. Amen.]

Most merciful God,
we confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed, 
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. 
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. 
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in your will,
and walk in your ways,
to the glory of your Name. Amen.

The peace of the Lord be always with you.
And also with you.

The Lord be with you.
And also with you.
Lift up your hearts.
We lift them to the Lord.
Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
It is right to give him thanks and praise.

It is right, and a good and joyful thing, always and every-
where to give thanks to you, Father Almighty, Creator of 
heaven and earth. 

Through Jesus Christ our Lord; who on the first day of the 
week overcame death and the grave, and by his glorious 
resurrection opened to us the way of everlasting life.

Therefore we praise you, joining our voices with Angels and 
Archangels and with all the company of heaven, who for ever 
sing this hymn to proclaim the glory of your Name:

[Holy, Holy, Holy Lord, God of power and might,
heaven and earth are full of your glory.
    Hosanna in the highest.
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
    Hosanna in the highest.]

Holy and gracious Father: In your infinite love you made us 
for yourself, and, when we had fallen into sin and become 
subject to evil and death, you, in your mercy, sent Jesus 
Christ, your only and eternal Son, to share our human 
nature, to live and die as one of us, to reconcile us to you, the 
God and Father of all.

He stretched out his arms upon the cross, and offered himself, 
in obedience to your will, a perfect sacrifice for the whole 
world.

On the night he was handed over to suffering and death, our 
Lord Jesus Christ took bread; and when he had given thanks 
to you, he broke it, and gave it to his disciples, and said, "Take, 
eat: This is my Body, which is given for you. Do this for the 
remembrance of me."

After supper he took the cup of wine; and when he had given 
thanks, he gave it to them, and said, "Drink this, all of you: 
This is my Blood of the new Covenant, which is shed for you 
and for many for the forgiveness of sins. Whenever you drink 
it, do this for the remembrance of me."

Therefore we proclaim the mystery of faith:

Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ will come again.

And now, as our Savior
Christ has taught us,
we are bold to say,

Our Father, who art in heaven,
    hallowed be thy Name, 
    thy kingdom come, 
    thy will be done, 
        on earth as it is in heaven. 
Give us this day our daily bread. 
And forgive us our tresspasses, 
    as we forgive those 
        who trespass against us. 
And lead us not into temptation, 
    but deliver us from evil. 
For thine is the kingdom, 
    and the power, and the glory, 
    for ever and ever. Amen.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
Thanks be to God.

(i left some parts out.)

(i really miss this.)

grace.

sometimes i think that there are days that you should do everything you can to make pass as quickly as possible.  like the day when you wake up at 4:30 in the morning with very little sleep and drive to the airport and watch your little brother check his bags to get on a plane headed for china.  the feeling of sadness, of emptiness, is really almost unbearable.  but worse is the feeling that i let the time slip away too quickly, the feeling that i didn't appreciate the time we had together enough and that now it is gone, and the next is a long way off.  but worse is the feeling that i let the time slip away because i was too focused on myself, too focused on my own thoughts and my own circumstances and my own desires. . . 

but then i wonder if there are no such days, no days that are best passed quickly.  i wonder if even those days, the ones which seem almost unbearable, the ones we wish could just be over, have something beautiful for us, some gift that God has been longing to give us, and has been waiting for just that right moment.  and while all i can think of is what a jerk i have continued to be, how selfish, how foolish, how squanderous, and while i feel an almost overwhelming hopelessness that what i had longed so much for came and i did not grasp it and now it is gone gone, i wonder what mystery God is longing to reveal to me.  

this morning i prayed for healing for all of the relationships that i have hurt.  i confessed that i have not loved others, especially my brothers, especially my family, as God has loved me.  i prayed that God would restore the unity of His Spirit.  i prayed that God would grant me peace in my heart and strength in my spirit.  and now i am praying that God would remind me of the joy that i have known and the hope that i have that i am being redeemed, that one day i will know how to love.  

amazing grace how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me

i once was lost but now am found

was blind but now i see

may Your Grace, Loving God, heal me.  

may it set me free to love and to die.  

may the world see Your Love in me.  

may it see Your Love through me.  

reminder: Faith

today i was reminded that God is Love.  i was reminded that He is merciful and full of grace and that He is good.  i was reminded that He is a God of many promises and that He will be faithful to fulfill them.  i was reminded that the Gospel is a proclamation of that Love and Mercy and Grace, and that it is a proclamation of Hope.  and i was reminded that when Jesus said, "why do you doubt, you of little faith?" He was speaking to me.  

i know that Jesus said that we should not be anxious, and it is repeated throughout scripture.  but still i am anxious.  He said to have faith, yet still i doubt.  He said not to worry about tomorrow, yet still i lose sleep.  and He says, "follow me," and i say, "but what if i can't?  what if i get lost?  what if i get confused?"  and He doesn't seem to say much else.  "follow me."

and so i am trying.  i doubt, but i try to follow Him.  i fear, but i try to follow Him.  i get confused and frustrated and angry and discouraged, but still, i try to follow Him.  and i am beginning to see that He is leading.  i trust that He is leading.  

i don't know how things work out.  i have never really been privy to God's plans.  i have never been sure.  i have never had clarity.  but as a story about mother teresa suggests, rather than pray for clarity, i try to pray for trust.   

today was missions sunday at church.  my older brother josh gave a wonderful sermon.  my younger brother gabe spoke eloquently about his first year as an english teacher sharing the Gospel in china.  and i have to admit that i felt much of the time like a confused child who hasn't got a clue.  and i don't.  but as josh was speaking about simply obeying God (teaching from genesis chapter six about the 100-year period between the time that God spoke to noah and the time of the flood) and as gabe was sharing about the opportunities that God provided to share the Light of the Gospel, i began to see the beauty of unknowing.  and i was reminded of the certainty of God's faithfulness. 

it is wonderful to see doubt transformed into faith, and to see weakness made strong in that faith.  and i am in awe to think that God would use a fool like me to shine the brilliance of His Glory into this dark world, to bring about the Hope of Redemption.  

may Hope illuminate our hearts and minds in Christ our Lord.  and may we be filled with that Peace which surpasses all understanding.  

and may Christ have mercy.

arlo.

i don't buy clothing very often.  and i try really hard not to buy anything new.  and i am tall and "thin" as a mother would say, so it can be kindof difficult finding clothes that fit well.  i had only recently become somewhat attached to a pair of cutoff shorts that gabe had given me a while ago.  they fit well, and i liked them.  they were on my very short list of things that i had already decided to take to haiti.  and then arlo ate them.  

arlo is my dog.  he has always had some fascination with eating the buttons and zippers off of pants.  he has mostly gotten over it.  at least i thought.  but gabe and i were gone for a while today, and i guess he got bored.  maybe he started thinking of things he liked to do as a puppy to entertain himself.  anyways, when i walked in my room and saw the shorts, i was pretty mad.  

it is stupid.  getting upset over clothing is stupid.  i know that.  i believe that.  Jesus pretty much said, why do you care about what you wear?  i think he was saying, none of it matters.  it is all the same.  and i believe that.  or at least, i want to.  and i pretty much don't care, or at least a lot less than i used to.  but still, i get attached.  maybe it is just because i am used to wearing something and it has become somewhat easy.  but then my dog eats that something and now i have to go through that process of picking something out and deciding if i like it.  i hate that process.  but either way, it is pretty silly to get very upset about a pair of ragged, cutoff shorts.  but i got upset.  and i am still upset.

but the real problem is that i am leaving for haiti in five weeks, and i can't take arlo with me.  and the real problem is that i love arlo a whole lot, and the thought of leaving him is all but unbearable.  but the real, real problem is that he has been staying with me at my parents' house, but he can't stay here after i leave because they can't have three dogs and because sometimes arlo is a little aggressive (he is really good at protecting) and because my parents have a one year-old granddaughter.  so the real problem is that i am mad at arlo because he ate my shorts, but really i am upset because i love him a whole lot and i need to find a good place for him to stay for a while but i can't, because he is sometimes aggressive and he sometimes eats people's shorts or hats or whatever (not really very often anymore but still...) and nobody wants a dog like that even though he is a wonderful dog and he is very sweet and very loving.  and this is killing me because i don't want to leave him at all because God gave him to me and he is my responsibility to love and to take care of and i am not going to be able to do that anymore.  and to be honest, sometimes i am not sure that i am going to be able to go to haiti at all...

today i bought a one-way ticket to haiti.  

i leave september 9 at 11:20 am.  

it is real.

[selah]