arlo.

i don't buy clothing very often.  and i try really hard not to buy anything new.  and i am tall and "thin" as a mother would say, so it can be kindof difficult finding clothes that fit well.  i had only recently become somewhat attached to a pair of cutoff shorts that gabe had given me a while ago.  they fit well, and i liked them.  they were on my very short list of things that i had already decided to take to haiti.  and then arlo ate them.  

arlo is my dog.  he has always had some fascination with eating the buttons and zippers off of pants.  he has mostly gotten over it.  at least i thought.  but gabe and i were gone for a while today, and i guess he got bored.  maybe he started thinking of things he liked to do as a puppy to entertain himself.  anyways, when i walked in my room and saw the shorts, i was pretty mad.  

it is stupid.  getting upset over clothing is stupid.  i know that.  i believe that.  Jesus pretty much said, why do you care about what you wear?  i think he was saying, none of it matters.  it is all the same.  and i believe that.  or at least, i want to.  and i pretty much don't care, or at least a lot less than i used to.  but still, i get attached.  maybe it is just because i am used to wearing something and it has become somewhat easy.  but then my dog eats that something and now i have to go through that process of picking something out and deciding if i like it.  i hate that process.  but either way, it is pretty silly to get very upset about a pair of ragged, cutoff shorts.  but i got upset.  and i am still upset.

but the real problem is that i am leaving for haiti in five weeks, and i can't take arlo with me.  and the real problem is that i love arlo a whole lot, and the thought of leaving him is all but unbearable.  but the real, real problem is that he has been staying with me at my parents' house, but he can't stay here after i leave because they can't have three dogs and because sometimes arlo is a little aggressive (he is really good at protecting) and because my parents have a one year-old granddaughter.  so the real problem is that i am mad at arlo because he ate my shorts, but really i am upset because i love him a whole lot and i need to find a good place for him to stay for a while but i can't, because he is sometimes aggressive and he sometimes eats people's shorts or hats or whatever (not really very often anymore but still...) and nobody wants a dog like that even though he is a wonderful dog and he is very sweet and very loving.  and this is killing me because i don't want to leave him at all because God gave him to me and he is my responsibility to love and to take care of and i am not going to be able to do that anymore.  and to be honest, sometimes i am not sure that i am going to be able to go to haiti at all...