in Your light we see light.

[the Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.  many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

the Lord redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them shall be desolate.

say unto my soul, I am thy salvation.

in Thy light shall we see light.

those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.

the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. 

mark the perfect man, and behold the upright; for the end of that man is peace.  

Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that i may know how frail i am.  

hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not Thy peace at my tears: for i am a stranger with Thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were. 

I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: Thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.  

O send out Thy light and Thy truth: let them lead me: let them bring me unto Thy holy hill, and to Thy presence.

be still, and know that i am God.  

make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which Thou hast broken may rejoice.  

restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation.

the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.]

                                                                -excerpts from Psalms 34-51

[the man of simple intention works in an atmosphere of prayer: that is to say he is recollected.  his spiritual reserves are not all poured out into his work, but stored where they belong, in the depths of his being, with his God.  he is detached from his work and from its results.  only a man who works purely for God can at the same time do a very good job and leave the results of the job to God alone.  if our intention is less than simple, we may do a very good job, but in doing so we will become involved in the hope of results that will satisfy ourselves.  

a simple intention rests in god while accomplishing all things.  it takes account of particular ends in order to achieve them for Him: but it does not rest in them.

the end of a simple intention is to work in God and with Him - to sink deep roots into the soil of His will and to grow there in whatever weather he may bring.]

                                                          - Thomas Merton, no man is an island

[my Lord God, i have no idea where i am going.

i do not see the road ahead of me.  i cannot know for certain where it will end.  nor do i really know myself, and the fact that i think i am following Your will does not mean that i am actually doing so.  but i believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You.  and i hope that i have that desire in all that i am doing.  i hope that i will never do anything apart from that desire.  and i know that, if i do this, You will lead me by the right road, though i may know nothing about it.  therefore i will trust You always though i may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.  i will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.]

                                                       -Thomas Merton, thoughts in solitude

i do not know how to say what i wish to say.  i do not know how to explain all that these past few days have held for me.  i cannot express how broken i am.  and i cannot express how much joy i have.

i am not happy.  i did not want to get on the plane wednesday morning.  the day i left haiti for home, i knew i would not want to return.  and yet i was pretty certain that i would return.  and i have, because God has made it clear that i should do so.  He has made it clear that it is still good for me to be here.  and though i believed Him, and still do, most of me wished that it were not so.  i suspected that returning would be more difficult than my initial coming, that these next few weeks and months would be more difficult than the previous three.  so far, my suspicions have been confirmed.

i am not happy, because i miss my family.  i miss many people that i love.  i miss my dogs.  i miss the comfort of my home, the familiarity of all that i have known.  i miss the life that was mine, and i do not want to give it up.  and there is a great beast inside of me grasping with its big claws.  

on the plane, in the car on the road to messailler, all that first night and in to the next morning, i cannot explain to you the pain and the sorrow and the sadness and the fear that i felt.  i believe that i can say that i have never experienced such a thing.  and immediately, in those first few hours and days, my sorrow was confounded.  haiti is hard, and i could not take it.  

but i have.  God has sustained me.  and not only that, He has blessed me richly.  He has blessed me with the joy of His presence.  He has blessed me with the promises of His life.  He has blessed me with encouraging words and signs and hopes.  

a team of seven gentlemen and one lone lady came yesterday from north carolina.  they came to work, and to be here with their love.  they came here, i believe, because God sent them for me and for us.  we have talked.  they are wonderful people, i believe true brothers and a true sister.  and they have spoken so much truth, and listened so lovingly to our feeble words.  and through them, i have seen the hope of this faith that i have.  the hope of God's promises.  the hope that my life is hidden in Him, and yet He is drawing me into it.

and it is in death that we find eternal life.  

[God-willing]