decency?

my heart is so heavy.  you know that.  you probably know that i am often discouraged, that i am often saddened by what i see around me.  i hope for justice and there is none, and it angers me.  i hope for kindness and compassion, and yet there is hatred, there is malice, there is contempt, there is fighting.  and you may have thought, with others, that i am living with a burden that i should not carry, a burden that Jesus took for me.  but i do not believe that.  i do not believe that Jesus carries the burdens of pain and sadness, the suffering of this life, for us.  i do believe that He died for us.  i do believe that He took away the burden of our sins, the penalty due to us being paid by His death.  but i adamantly deny any doctrine that says that Jesus died so i would not have to suffer.  Jesus did not die so that i would live a carefree life and become numb and blind to the suffering of this fallen world.  no, He died so that i might not perish with it.  He died so that Love might have life in me, that i might not be hardened by my own sin and the sin of the world around me and become blind to the suffering of this fallen world.  

yesterday i continued to see the brokenness that is everywhere around me.  i worked with a man who has no food for himself or his family, and though he has worked hard for three days now, he will not be paid for another three, and has no way of feeding his family.  and will they go hungry for three more days?  i don't know.  i talked to a woman whose husband i know and have worked with, and she was hungry, and they have no work.  and what should i say?  i am sorry that you are hungry.  but people back home give me money to be here and i have ample food.  in fact, i see food thrown away regularly.  

yet some seem to say, "what can i do?  i cannot feed everyone.  and besides, God has blessed my hard work."  that is absurd.  you who do not believe in good works, you think that God has given you material blessing for your works?  you who say we are still, even with the Spirit of Christ residing in us, we are still incapable of any good thing, and yet somehow you have received material blessing?  no!  God does not bless His children with the material riches of this world.  He blesses His children to share in the eternal riches of His Kingdom.  He blesses His children to share in the suffering of Christ, that they too might share in His resurrection for the dead.  and i would think that if you believe in God's Love, if you have any of His compassion and mercy, if you have any of the meekness of Christ, you would not say, "oh the world is a bad place, but thank God i have salvation, and thank God that He has blessed me.  woe to those sinners."  no, if the world is such an awful place, a decent person would do his or her best to make it better.  and Christians ought at least be decent people.  God have mercy on us for our doctrinal piety and for our outrageous claims to follow Christ without getting dust on our feet.  may God humble me first.