answers.

sometimes we pray.  we ask God to heal us, and He doesn't.  so we go see a doctor and the doctor heals us.  and i do not understand this.  i do not understand why the God of the universe, a Loving God, would stay silent at the cries of the hurting and mourning and dying and not comfort and heal.  i do not understand why He would instead allow a sinful man to do the healing.  but i am learning that this spiritual life we seek to live is a life far fuller of mysteries than i am often okay with.  i am learning that there is so much more going on than my insignificant imagination can imagine.  and i am learning that my knowledge still sits somewhere at the bottom of the path to His truth and understanding.  i am learning that the easiest and quickest answers are most often the wrong ones, and that if i were to truly seek God, i should begin by seeking new words for tired ideas.  

[ i do not refuse to answer the questions.  i simply answer that the true answers themselves are great mysteries, that the stated answers vary one from the next only in form and by degree of direction, in relatively equal distance, from the Origin of truth. ]

may God grant me a new faith,

     one that prefers the faithfulness of silence and awe

          to the confidence of correct answers. 

may He grant me the humility of Love and stupidity,

     that i might serve Him not with strong words

          but with compassionate hands and a gentle embrace.  

may God be glorified in my weakness,

     and may i be humbled by my strength.