Joy!

I
i don't particularly enjoy trying to recount the details of life.  i have been an eager journaler for quite some time, yet rarely do i sit down and try to write about the specifics of my days.  i suppose that it is how my mind works, that i do not process information in such a fashion as to be able to write this way without much difficulty.  and most of the time i do not question whether i should attempt to operate differently.   for the most part, i feel all is well.

there have been times during these past few weeks, however, when i have wished greatly to be able to recall to mind the details of my days, that i might share them, that someone else might have a glimpse into this life that i have been given.

II
today has been rather quiet.  i have felt a growing conviction and desire in recent years to observe the Lord's Day as a day of rest and a day of peace.  i have often been troubled by the almost complete neglect of the Sacrament of Sabbath presently among Christians, and have begun to see what i can only describe as a tremendous dichotomy between Scripture's teaching on Sabbath and the reflection of this teaching in the lives of modern Christians.  and in transitioning into life in this very different culture, i have sensed that God has provided me with an opportunity to make a more ardent effort to observe Sabbath Rest and Sabbath Faith.

III
church was beautiful again today.  bobi was there again, and she was causing madanm menos quite a fuss.   it causes me tremendous grief, the way the haitian people generally treat animals.  i cannot understand how God's children, known and loved by God, given eyes to see the beauty and glory of His Creation, can treat with such contempt any of His cherished creatures.  but haitians in general seem to see animals in general as vile creatures, necessarily receiving all of the harshness and hatred that exists in man's power and authority.  it has been pointed out to me that it is in man's fallen nature to desire power, to seek authority, and in a land where most people feel largely powerless, it is understandable that people would seek that authority over whatever is "lower" than themselves.  i hear the explanation, thought i cannot understand it.   my heart breaks daily when i hear bobi's sudden helpless cries echoing throughout the house, simply because someone happened to have the fortune of coming upon her in a helpless position.  or when i hear the groans of a mule or bull clearly being overburdened or abused for not performing well enough. some are far worse than others, but there are few who appear to have even the slightest inkling of compassion or mercy.  and so madanm menos was having a fuss because bobi was trying to come near her, and she would not have it.

our friend ben, who is a missionary with the orthodox presbyterian church, and his family were with us today, and ben gave a beautiful sermon in church about suffering with Christ and what it means to become the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.  his words were beautiful to my ears, especially having felt, at times, quite discouraged by what appears here to be an absence of the humble servitude which Our Lord displayed and taught us to emulate.

IV
after church we sat around the table with ben and his family and pastor charles.  i didn't eat (tuna sandwiches) but somehow left the table feeling rather satisfied, and tried to thank God for the opportunity to be poor.  it was a beautiful day, and so i decided to take my book and sit out front in the shade and read.  my quiet moment did not last long, and i soon went over to the orphanage to sit out front and play checkers with alexander, charles' son and our friend.

madanm menos, who had a fuss with bobi during church, is the caregiver of the boys in the orphanage.   to me, she seems to be an okay caregiver and a terribly harsh disciplinarian. (might i mention that today in church, we think we heard that the orphanage may soon begin to house girls on the second floor, thus no longer being an all-boys orphanage.  that is joyful news to us all, but especially our lonesome diana, who is certainly due the company of a few more girls.  also our friend shannon will hopefully be joining us soon to help with the orphanage.) there is an adorable little boy named Sedrach who lives at the orphanage.  my american friends all call him crazy, which hurts my heart, because he is absolutely precious.  but i must admit, there must be something wrong with him.  he doesn't function like the other boys, and throws far more fits, and tends to be slightly, if not more, inappropriate.  my guess is that he has been severely abused, physically if not also sexually.  today, while alexander and i were playing checkers, one of the other boys ended up face first on the ground beneath the three foot dropoff in front of the orphanage. (the orphanage is built over an overflow stream bed, so there are stairs in the front and what looks kind of like a stage, three feet off the ground.  great for little boys.) he was hysterical, and the other boys immediately pointed to Sedrach.  so jay picked the screaming little boy up and took him inside, and alexander took Sedrach inside.  within seconds he began screaming terribly as madanm menos whipped him with a belt.  it was more than i could bear, and the thought of those children being disciplined so severely, with what seems like so little love, crushed my heart.  i lost that game of checkers.

V
this evening pastor charles fired his long-time security guard gito, whom we all love very much. we are not sure at all why he was fired, except that pastor charles says that he can no longer trust him and seems to think that he took advantage of his living situation.  i certainly cannot judge, but i cannot help but feel like gito has not been shown mercy, not the mercy that Christ has shown us, not the mercy that Christ has taught us that we ought to show others.  it seems like, again, justice has triumphed over mercy.  i can only ask God to allow me to trust Him, and continue to show me mercy.

VI
we went to church again this evening.  there were not very many people, but i thought that it was beautiful.  i did not have a hymnal, but i enjoyed humming along as best i could.  i think a few people thought i was a bit nutty, but i was overjoyed to be there, to lift my voice as i could to God.  God has shown me so much of the beauty of His Church, of our unity together, of the sacredness of His people gathering to worship Him with pure hearts. during the sermon Sedrach sat in my lap and wore my glasses and played with my watch, and it didn't matter that i couldn't understand what was said, because i felt as if i were holding Jesus.

VII
it is thundering, and i am reflecting on this Lord's Day while i wait for the rain.  i pray earnestly that you might know the joy that is in my heart, the joy that God has given me in faith, as love works itself deeper into my soul and releases me to have the fullness of this life with Christ. i pray that we might have His peace always, that His mercies might be multiplied greatly, and that we might all be made rich in the poverty of Our Lord Jesus Christ.  to Him be all glory and honor and praise!