Solace is an old woman.

today has been long.  time has, on more than one occasion, seemed to be suspended overhead, almost mockingly so.  "look at me!  i am time, and i am not moving."  no, time, you aren't moving.  the stillness of time has been one of the least welcome realities these first few weeks. because another reality is that certain things will only happen with the passage of time, and i would really like for some of those things to happen quickly.  familiarity always comes slowly. i still move about my new home with timidity.  though, despite some complaints, i have found faithful Solace in the kitchen.  she is a homely old woman with dirt under her fingernails and a fetid rag over her shoulder, but she moves slowly and always welcomes company.  tonight we visited as i tidied up from dinner and enjoyed the coming of the night's storm.   

yesterday diana asked me if i ever get frustrated about learning creole.  i said that i don't and proceeded to tell her why.  i had already thought about it, because i have been able to tell that the others are frustrated.  i told her that we have not been here long, and i don't really expect to learn quickly.  i said also that learning creole is not really my highest priority.  i would really like to know creole, and it is hard not being able to communicate, but i feel like there are other important things to focus on, too.  for one, i believe that my time with God is more important than anything, because if i am not living my days in His presence i have nothing.  i will not be able to learn creole.  i will not be able to love or to serve.  also, i have just thought that God has a plan for us, and learning creole is a part of that plan, i am sure, but the rest is not and cannot be contingent on that.  i have wondered if for some reason we were to leave in a week or two or even longer, would we have had any impact here? and i thought that if i spend all of my time trying to learn creole, surely i won't have any impact.  but if i can trust that things will take shape in time, and try to focus on being here, on learning to live here, learning to love and to serve, then surely i will learn creole, and surely Christ's light will shine.  

i read a lot today.  if you are willing to read my words, i hope that you will more eagerly read these:

[ God never tied man's salvation to any pattern of life. . . .  so one must be permeated with the divine Presence, informed with the form of the beloved God who is within him, so that he may radiate that Presence without working at it. . . .

you will never hear an obedient person saying: "i want it so and so; i must have this or that."  you will hear only of utter denial of self. . . . "Lord, give me nothing but what Thou wilt and dost - Lord, what and how Thou wilt in every detail". . . .

a pure heart is one that is unencumbered, unworried, uncommitted, and which does not want its own way about anything but which, rather, is submerged in the loving will of God, having denied self. . . .

there can be no restlessness unless it come from self-will. . . .  when you are thwarted, it is your own attitude that is out of order. . . .  if you do not first get away from self, then whatever else you get away from you will still find obstacles and restlessness. . . .  let everyone begin by denying self and in so doing he will have denied all else. . . .  "to give up your little bit willingly is to give up not this alone but all that worldly people seek after, indeed all they could possibly desire". . . .  for what you do not desire you let go, and let go for the sake of God.  thus our Lord says: "blessed are the poor in spirit" - that is, [those devoid] of will and there should be no doubt that if there is a better way, the Lord would have mentioned it. . . .

know that no man in this life ever gave up so much that he could not find something else to let go. . . .  to the extent that you eliminate self from your activities, God comes into them - but not more and no less. . . people ought not to consider so much what they are to do as what they are;  let them but be good and their ways and deeds will shine brightly. . . .  do not think that saintliness comes from occupation; it depends rather on what one is. . . .  thus take care that your emphasis is laid on being good and not on the number or kind of thing to be done. . . .

everything comes to him who truly comes to God, bringing all divinity with it, while all that is strange and alien flies away. . . . ]

                        

                      - excerpts from the talks of instruction, meister eckhart

i intended to mention some things that i hope you could be praying for, but i now feel a loss of words.  perhaps you could pray for continued peace, and a quiet mind (i have yet to experience), and insurmountable joy.  

thank you for loving me.  i feel it right now.  would you give my mother a hug?

grace and peace to you in Christ our Lord, our Joy and our Hope.