MendyLove.

i spent a lot of the evening with Mendylove.  we ate some chips and salsa.  we played the guitar.  we talked.  we took a nap.  it felt very fatherly for me.  i've always really loved kids.  and i've always loved spending time with them.  but for the most part, i've never done much other than play.  i never got into the babysitting thing.  

it's different with Mendylove though.  the situation necessitates we do a lot more than play with her.  and really, most times i think that we are in a bit over our heads.  

Mendylove is four years old.  she lives here at the house with us.  she's an orphan.  about two years ago both of her parents died.  we aren't sure how, but we are pretty sure they died just about the same time.  nobody at the church in her town would take her in, nor would her family, and so pastor charles and his family took her in.  over the past few years she has seen a number of different caretakers.  

when we first arrived here, Mendylove would spend hours each day sitting in a chair just outside the kitchen.  nobody knew why, but she was really shy, so we didn't make much of it.  when the orphanage opened, she spent a few weeks living there because pastor charles' family was living in port au prince, but Mendylove goes to school here. after charles' family moved back here about six weeks ago, Mendylove moved back in the house and we began to see some things that troubled us.  

it's really difficult for me to write about things here.  partly it is because i have teammates, and we all have blogs, and i think we all have to be careful about what we say.  we all see things with our own eyes, and we talk about things and try to be open and be on the same page, but we still have our own thoughts.  and i think that it would be a dangerous thing for us each to go writing about them publicly.  even good intentions can hurt and complicate.  also, there are a lot of people here, and i love them all very much, and i have a hard time distinguishing between what is appropriate to share about them and what might be slandering them.  there are some people that i don't like.  there are some people that i think are crazy.  but i don't want to disrespect them by creating a negative character of them in my little cyber story.  that said, the story might be choppy.  

things have been tough with Mendylove.  we all love her very much, and we care for her very much.  we all believe, to different degrees i suppose, that God has brought us here to love her, with His love.  i have said before that Haitian culture views children very differently that our own.  it views discipline very differently.  and i decided earlier this week that all of Haiti's problems go back to the fact that children are not held enough.  i do not believe that is true, but i think the statement sheds light on something that i see to be a very big problem.  and church folk seem to be little different.  

that being said, i think we all really struggled with the way we saw Mendylove being treated, and really being raised.  and i feel comfortable saying that i felt like she was not being loved well enough.  so we began trying to get to know her, trying to spend time with her, trying to love her.  and then we began to have some problems.  i won't get into them, because it has been all but a nightmare.  i will say that i think this situation has caused us much trouble in this community, that i am not sure of the extent that it has damaged our relationships with some important people here, and that maybe our reputation isn't the best right now.  i feel like some folks think we are causing trouble.  i really wish i could explain all of this to you.  

i have a lot of faith in God.  i really believe that He is love.  i believe that He is good.  i believe that he leads His children, that He protects them. i believe that His purposes are good, that His plans always prevail.  i don't know how all that works out, but i know that it means that i don't need to worry.  it means that i can trust Him.  so this whole thing honestly hasn't bothered me that much.  i know that God can take care of our sticky mess, that we can love Mendylove and love this community well, that the Gospel will be evident in our living.

we have learned some things about Mendylove recently that i want to share.  i want to share them so that you can pray for her precious little heart, and so that you can pray for ours.  and i want to share them because right now i feel like it is the best that i can do to help you understand where i am.  

Mendylove's parents believed in vodoo.  we think they practiced vodoo. we are not sure of anything, but we suspect that perhaps they made a deal with the devil.  i know that must sound absolutely ridiculous to you, and i am not sure if i really believe that it is possible, except that i know that adam and eve essentially did.  and it seems like the only explanation, unless you believe in coincidences.  what we have heard is that her parents died at the same time, that they did not want their children to become Christians, that they told someone (we are not sure if they told Mendylove directly) that if they became Christians that their spirits would come after them.  so Mendylove has had a pretty traumatic life so far.  she has very little stability.  and she lives in fear.  she has mentioned ghosts and spirits.  she has talked about what we would quickly call nightmares.  she sleeps on a mattress on the floor because she would fall out of bed. 

 

our hearts have broken for this precious little girl.  and we have tried our best to love her.  and i believe that we have.  and we have tried to defend her when we felt that we should.  we want to protect her.  and she has come to life since we have begun building our relationships with her. she shines.  and yet she is so afraid.  sometimes she is so sad. sometimes it is hard to believe her.  but we are trying.  we are trusting God.  we believe that He has brought us here to love the hurting, to proclaim the Gospel to the oppressed, to serve the brokenhearted.  to do what Christ did, and what He said to do.  Mendylove is not alone.  there are 12 amazing little boys living in an orphanage a stone's throw from our house whom we will never be able to spend enough time with, never be able to hold enough, never be able to love enough.  and there are students, adults, elderly folks, people in every stage of life, all needing to know the Hope of the Gospel.  

and so we try.  we pray, but not enough.  we talk, but not well.  we play. we hug.  we hold.  we laugh.  and we trust.  we trust that the Living God has led us here.  we trust the Christ lives in us, that the power of His Spirit is in us.  we Hope for Love.  we Hope for Peace.  we Hope for Redemption.